...we are all working parents...
So I have really been thinking a lot about the whole working mother/stay at home mother "feud."
Just lately I have taken a part time job as an administrative assistant. It is a two days a week job that is supposed to last through the summer. My mother babysits half the time and the teenage sister of my boss babysits the other. What has gotten me aggravated though, are all the well-intentioned people that are saying "oh, it is so good for you to get away from your children." I probably wouldn't get quite as annoyed if they were saying that it is good for me to get out into adult interaction...
this is very true...
....but they always, without fail, say: "away from my children." I know I am a bit biased, but my kids are really great and I don't have any desire to get away from them. Whenever I need a break, my husband will stay with them or even takes them out so I can have the house to myself (where I usually indulge in wild house cleaning sessions...what can I say...I'm an animal) or they go with Grandma, or my closest friend, Susie. They are not lacking for time away from me---nor I from them. I have also heard that they need to learn their independence. True. Don't worry, though, I have thought of that, as well. The transition to having a babysitter thrust into their lives while I work was so smooth they didn't even miss me.
this is very true...
....but they always, without fail, say: "away from my children." I know I am a bit biased, but my kids are really great and I don't have any desire to get away from them. Whenever I need a break, my husband will stay with them or even takes them out so I can have the house to myself (where I usually indulge in wild house cleaning sessions...what can I say...I'm an animal) or they go with Grandma, or my closest friend, Susie. They are not lacking for time away from me---nor I from them. I have also heard that they need to learn their independence. True. Don't worry, though, I have thought of that, as well. The transition to having a babysitter thrust into their lives while I work was so smooth they didn't even miss me.
I have been getting the impression, as I have always, that people really do not believe that to stay home with my kids was a choice for me. A choice that I am well aware that I am lucky to have. I wasn't forced into it by my macho Mexican husband. Yes....I was asked that as well. This was my choice, supported by my husband, and a lot of thought went into it. I thought about the social aspect, the independence and every other thing that I could think of that would affect the kids, as well as my relationship with my husband.
I also know that there are plenty of mothers who are working and wish they could stay home...and many more who are working and wouldn't want it any other way. My own mother worked while I was growing up. I just wish we could all see, and accept that we have made choices which are relevant to ourselves and our own situations and stop downgrading these choices in others.
Another friend of mine, who works outside the home full time, is very happy with her decision and I am definitely in awe over that---so many things to juggle. I respect her choice to do this---it isn't the choice for me but nevertheless I respect it. But not too far back she asked me "so what do you do all day?" I found myself being taken aback because it was the first time I had actually been asked this oft-clichéd question. I remember trying to mumble out a list of everything that I did in a day...a sort of schedule...but who can honestly do that? Every single day presents different challenges...something new. The next day, when I thought about it...I wished I would have said "everything that you pay your daycare provider to do, plus anything you do when you get home, as well as all the mother guilt and worry." But what can I say, being a stay at home mom has melted my brain from lack of use. Honestly, though, I do wish we could all just respect everyone's choices and try our hardest not to say anything stupid.
So what about you? Are you a working mom, a stay at mom (or dad) who has had to field thoughtless, insensitive, ignorant questions or statements about your chosen way to parent? How did you respond...or wish you had responded?